What can you do when you hate how you look? I am 32 years old, been bald since starting at 17. I am six-foot-three and about 255 lbs. I hate the way people see me…even if females see me in a positive light, I feel terrible because I dont want to be seen as a big bald guy. I dont care if being bald is "in" or if little guys wish they were bigger. I just dont like the girls I attract, which are invariably needy, insecure, and desirous of some big guy to offset them, which makes me feel even worse since I dont want a girl who notices my size or sees it as a way for her to feel tiny. I have also encountered more than one female who told me I reminded her of her father, which is pretty damned creepy when in bed.
My brother, meanwhile, is only six feet tall, has all his hair, and nobody ever asks him stupid questions about if he played football or other sports. I hate that I ended up with all the worst genes…the hair loss, the height, the broad shoulders, etc.
People try to placate me by listing big bald celebrities, but that only makes things worse. I don’t want to be compared to oafish types like Vin Diesel or Michael Chiklis or some dumb athlete. I just want to find a way to change how I look. I know I can lose some weight, but I don’t know how I can hide my height, build (broad shoulders don’t just go away), and baldness.
It’s not that people say I look bad….this is what’s so hard for people to understand. Most people are so desperate for acceptance that they gladly chuck their own opinion if someone tells them they are OK. I know big bald guys get girls too…..but I dont want a girl who wants some uber-masculine sort of guy, someone to protect her. I don’t know any big bald guys I think look good…I sure wouldn’t want to be compared to Vin Diesel or Bruce Willis or Michael Chiklis.
I realize that my question might make people think that I am fishing for compliments or reassurance…that is not the case.
Its not that I am worried that nobody will ever see me as attractive…I just dont want anyone to see me in ways I dont like, e.g., I dont want to be seen as a protector, a father figure, or a hypermasculine "real man" type.
Why don’t you try on-line dating, that way the girls cannot see you and judge you on your looks..all they will know is what personality you are and they will judge you on that. Good luck! References :
Sounds like you need to change your view of yourself rather than the way others see you. Who cares how they see you as long as you like how you are. Seems like the real issue is you don’t totally like who you are. I don’t blame you. It sucks when people decide who you are without really knowing you. I always get told I’m "nice". To me it’s the equivalent of: "you’re boring". I’m 28 and people take one look at me and think I’m a sweet, naive, inexperienced, overprotected, 18 year-old doormat. Oh, and I often get asked if I’m a virgin!? People are shocked to hear me say a curse word?? WTF?! I curse all the time! It would be great to be thought of as a gutsy, fun, sexy, daring, and maybe a little bit of a wild; woman…not some little girl. But that’s just what I get over and over again and there’s not much I can do about it. The fact is, people are stupid. They judge you solely on your appearances and that’s all it takes to get their imagination stuck on a stereo type. Eventually they find out that yes I’m nothing like what they first perceived me as. Sure I’m a nice person, but I don’t live under a rock. Maybe next time someone says, "you remind of my dad", you could respond with something to the effect of, "well then you don’t know me that well yet". If they ask if you played football, respond with, "do I look like an ape?" I think you just need to start making people feel a little ridiculous for jumping to conclusions. It might give you more of a sense of power to take back control with those comments rather than trying to convince and persuade people to see your side. Just tell them they’re wrong. That’s what I finally decided to do and it seems to be about the only thing to work besides just accepting that people see me in this light. I only laugh now instead of getting angry or defensive. Good luck. I like your Opossum! References :
What can you do when you hate how you look?
I am 32 years old, been bald since starting at 17. I am six-foot-three and about 255 lbs. I hate the way people see me…even if females see me in a positive light, I feel terrible because I dont want to be seen as a big bald guy. I dont care if being bald is "in" or if little guys wish they were bigger. I just dont like the girls I attract, which are invariably needy, insecure, and desirous of some big guy to offset them, which makes me feel even worse since I dont want a girl who notices my size or sees it as a way for her to feel tiny. I have also encountered more than one female who told me I reminded her of her father, which is pretty damned creepy when in bed.
My brother, meanwhile, is only six feet tall, has all his hair, and nobody ever asks him stupid questions about if he played football or other sports. I hate that I ended up with all the worst genes…the hair loss, the height, the broad shoulders, etc.
People try to placate me by listing big bald celebrities, but that only makes things worse. I don’t want to be compared to oafish types like Vin Diesel or Michael Chiklis or some dumb athlete. I just want to find a way to change how I look. I know I can lose some weight, but I don’t know how I can hide my height, build (broad shoulders don’t just go away), and baldness.
It’s not that people say I look bad….this is what’s so hard for people to understand. Most people are so desperate for acceptance that they gladly chuck their own opinion if someone tells them they are OK. I know big bald guys get girls too…..but I dont want a girl who wants some uber-masculine sort of guy, someone to protect her. I don’t know any big bald guys I think look good…I sure wouldn’t want to be compared to Vin Diesel or Bruce Willis or Michael Chiklis.
I realize that my question might make people think that I am fishing for compliments or reassurance…that is not the case.
Its not that I am worried that nobody will ever see me as attractive…I just dont want anyone to see me in ways I dont like, e.g., I dont want to be seen as a protector, a father figure, or a hypermasculine "real man" type.
http://s385.photobucket.com/albums/oo296/curseofdolkite/
Why don’t you try on-line dating, that way the girls cannot see you and judge you on your looks..all they will know is what personality you are and they will judge you on that. Good luck!
References :
Sounds like you need to change your view of yourself rather than the way others see you. Who cares how they see you as long as you like how you are. Seems like the real issue is you don’t totally like who you are. I don’t blame you. It sucks when people decide who you are without really knowing you. I always get told I’m "nice". To me it’s the equivalent of: "you’re boring". I’m 28 and people take one look at me and think I’m a sweet, naive, inexperienced, overprotected, 18 year-old doormat. Oh, and I often get asked if I’m a virgin!? People are shocked to hear me say a curse word?? WTF?! I curse all the time! It would be great to be thought of as a gutsy, fun, sexy, daring, and maybe a little bit of a wild; woman…not some little girl. But that’s just what I get over and over again and there’s not much I can do about it. The fact is, people are stupid. They judge you solely on your appearances and that’s all it takes to get their imagination stuck on a stereo type. Eventually they find out that yes I’m nothing like what they first perceived me as. Sure I’m a nice person, but I don’t live under a rock. Maybe next time someone says, "you remind of my dad", you could respond with something to the effect of, "well then you don’t know me that well yet". If they ask if you played football, respond with, "do I look like an ape?" I think you just need to start making people feel a little ridiculous for jumping to conclusions. It might give you more of a sense of power to take back control with those comments rather than trying to convince and persuade people to see your side. Just tell them they’re wrong. That’s what I finally decided to do and it seems to be about the only thing to work besides just accepting that people see me in this light. I only laugh now instead of getting angry or defensive. Good luck. I like your Opossum!
References :